Thursday, 18 August 2016

Woman take back your crown

Shout out to Rita for being the inspiration behind this post❤️❤️❤️
I know saying NO is sometimes hard to do especially as women since we're conditioned from birth to say yes all the time so that we won't be called disrespectful or lazy and so on. Even when it's in our best interest to say no. We overstretch and overburden ourselves saying yes to all sorts of nonsense. 
We say yes to men just to bear the dubious honor of being in a relationship or being married. A single female friend of mine shared an experience she had with me. I'm sharing it here because it has a direct bearing with the topic I'm speaking on today. She explained that she got into an angry argument with a colleague which ended with the colleague asking her why she would be jealous of her, especially since she's married and my friend isn't. And the funny thing is that this is a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman excelling in her career and who just happens to suffer physical abuse at her prized husband's hands. Yes he beats her up regularly.

I don't know your story. I only know mine and that's why I'm sharing today. Who knows? It may help another woman. Once upon a time I was a doormat. This is a shocking thing to admit because anyone who knows me now would be surprised to hear it. However, yes it's very true. I was a doormat. I was taken for granted. I was verbally abused. Yet, I felt like I should appreciate what crap I was getting. I was unappreciated and an option. I was losing me. And I felt powerless to change things. However, whenever I came back to myself periodically, I'd pray for change and strength. In time, I had the opportunity to live in another country for an extended period. That's when I grew. I found daily strength in surmounting various challenges, from navigating the intricacies of a new language and meeting new people. I was able to get back the me I had lost. I was able to recover my power. And it was like magic. I had to exercise that power of NO so that it developed like a muscle. In time it became easier.

"Abla I miss you. I want to see you." Abla answers no.
"I'm outside your gate." This is a person who didn't even ask permission to come over! Automatic No.
We're sitting somewhere and his hands refuse to stay with him and are attempting to explore the uncharted territory that is Abla's body. What does Abla do? She leaves immediately. Oblivious to any entreaties to stay.
"I have a girlfriend but I like you." Reflex reply No.
"Let's just hang out and see where this takes us." No.
"What are you cooking so I can come and eat some?" I'm sleeping. I don't think I'd be cooking today.

Let's learn the power in saying No. The above examples are real ones that have happened to me. Those guys haven't stopped hanging around. They're still knocking at my door. What we women don't realize is that men appreciate women with standards and boundaries they actually stick to. If you say no but your actions say go on, the man will continue to disrespect you. We have got to walk the talk. My only regret is not knowing all these a long time ago. It's about us respecting ourselves enough to know that I'm worth more more than a doormat. 
I'm gloriously and beautifully made in God's image. Yes I'm all that and I know it.
Now I'm told "Abla, you're so different from other women", when all that has changed is that I got some standards.

We seem to have forgotten what the generation of women prior to ours knew. Men always want what they can't have. Don't let them have you until they have proven themselves worthy of you. Don't worry, you won't lose a good man. 
Make sure he commits fully to you before you give yourself away. When I say commit, I don't mean meeting your parents, introducing you to his friends, he's calling you baby or girlfriend, and so on. Do you have any idea of the number of females he's called baby or who's parents he's met? 
He needs to commit by adding value to your life. He needs to invest himself into you and your glorious self. When a man values a possession he treasures it. Look at how well a man would treat a new car or a designer watch. Want to know why? He gave up something to buy that expensive new car. He probably scrimped and saved for it. It wasn't a gift. So why gift yourself?
Now take a minute, think and ask yourself these questions; 
Are you the one to suggest outings? 
Are you the one always calling? 
Does he always have last minute things to do when you have plans to go out together and are you always too cool with such change of plans?
Are doing wifely duties in return for side chick benefits?
Do you brown outings with your friends because he calls out of the blue and wants to do something with you at the last minute?

My sister, if any of the above applies to you, you better get some standards. 

Remember? I'm gloriously and beautifully made. Confidence is attractive. Never be afraid to decide to walk alone for a period. It's sexy. It's powerful to turn down a date once in a while because you have something else of value to do. Don't ever let your life revolve around a man's schedule. 
There’s power in turning down a man’s sexual favors because he has not proved himself worthy of you.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't say yes if you have a good man who treats you like you're the amazing person you are. You better appreciate him before the cleanup woman comes and takes him away from you.
Just note that not every man you go out with is worthy of you.

Ladies lets take back our crowns.👑