Thursday, 21 April 2016

Women are single because of men

Why would I state that women are single because of men?

Some guys are eye-red and just plain greedy.

Let's understand something, Mr. Man you're definitely not perfect, so how on earth do you expect your lady to have the complete package? Ama may be pretty with solid curves but be lost in the wonderland called the kitchen, you know the habitual mistaking of sugar for salt, uncooked rice masquerading as cooked and so on? For Ama, there may be a man willing to teach her to cook and bring balance to the home. Mr. Man, the greed must stop. No lady is an angel. Akua may be quite plain in appearance and be straighter than a stick but may be well-spoken, polite, intelligent and God fearing but that earthly part of you wants Aba who is the exact opposite and a player of the best kind. She shows you pepper and you're quick to call all females heartless players. Mr. Man, na who cause am?

Commitment phobic guys

If only some guys would admit from the onset to their target female that ma'am I just want to date you, you know, nothing serious. Rest assured that there are some females willing to roll like that with you. After all, different strokes for different folk. An average lady in her mid to late twenties wants a serious and committed relationship and that's just when Mr. Right is still counting how many females he has slept with and how many more he can add to the notches on his bed post. I mean seriously? 

Caring and maturity 

Can a guy be available emotionally for his woman without her having to ask all the time? By being sensitive, I mean in being there for your woman all the time, without her asking. One of the saddest realities of our times is that age really is just a number. A guy may be in his mid to late thirties and still be immature and still be busy playing the field. He can't be limited to a single female, however he expects faithfulness from that unfortunate female. Cash isn't all a female requires. No it isn't. It's care she needs even though she may not be able to articulate it herself. When a man isn't available to a woman, she may begin by asking for his money all the time. The money may come and then she starts sounding off about the guy not caring for her. Women are not a cipher. Show her you've got her heart in good keeping and a man can smile all the way to the bank.

No female would want to be with a broke man. My definition for a broke man isn't one who earns peanuts, no way it isn't. To me a brokeass man is one who lacks money sense, he has neither ambition nor vision. A real man, should know how to leverage his earnings such as they are in such a way as to increase his investments, improve upon his life as well as that of his loved ones. 

Indecisive men
A wishy-washy man is a waste of time. A man who doesn't know whether he's coming or going, is unable to make his own decisions is a turn off for smart females Nothing puts a girl off like indecision. Mr. Man, kindly make up your mind that it's that particular female you want in your life, warts and all. Don't waste anyone's time.

It is extremely unfortunate that everyone is quick to blame a single lady in her thirties for supposedly messing up when she was younger. No-one even considers the possibility that maybe, just maybe there's a guy who's fault it is.
Mr. Man my advice to you is that sure you can date any female you want to especially if she's willing, so long as you know what price you are ready to pay. If you know in your heart of hearts that this relationship is too high maintenance for you, I beg you, please don't go into it before you hurt two hearts. If you ask out a girl with the price of your entire monthly earnings on her head in the form of a Brazilian or Peruvian or Mongolian wig, and she knowing what you don't, kindly turns you down, don't get angry and disrespect her. She's actually helped you a lot. Monkeys play by sizes. You can't afford to date a girl with champagne tastes when you have beer bottle pockets. However, if she likes you and gives you the green light then you can and should date but always remember that when you're dining with the peasants and she's having pheasant with royalty that it was your choice.

Saturday, 16 April 2016

My thoughts on Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman poem.

Phenomenal Woman 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. 
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I tell them 
They think I’m telling lies. 
I say, 
It’s in the reach of my arms, 
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman 
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me. 

I walk into a room 
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man, 
The fellows stand or 
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me, 
A hive of honey bees.   
I say, 
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman 

Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me. 

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me. 
They try so much 
But they can’t touch 
My inner mystery. 
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say, 
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile, 
The ride of my breasts, 
The grace of my style. 
I’m a woman 
Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me. 

Now you understand 
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about 
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing, 
It ought to make you proud. 
I say, 
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman 
Phenomenal woman, 
That’s me.

Her poem begins with a scene where the poet is surrounded by other women who wonder what it is that she has that men go crazy about her. They demand answers and when they don't hear whatever it is they want to hear, they think she's holding back. The other women truly don't see it, and the poet herself agrees that she's not conventionally attractive. She admits that she's not the usual cute nor does she have the right figure.

The poet audaciously proclaims her contentment with herself as she is and has no intention to change a thing. She describes her assets with such pride. It's so clear that she knows that what she is,is amazing. She talks about the span of her hips, the reach of her arms and the curl of her lips and we begin to see her as she is, this phenomenal woman. We begin to see that beauty she displays so defiantly. That sincere beauty with no artifice and that attendant confidence which makes men run wild with thirst.  

She's aware of her power. She knows very well the effect of her presence in any room she enters where men are present. She uses the imagery of a swarm of honey bees about the hive to show us just how the men act towards her and we see it so clearly. The bee hive is where the bees go to in order to store their honey after a hard day's work. Now we come back to the men and their bee attitude and we see that her conventionally unattractive body becomes a safe haven for them after life's hard knocks.

The poet continues to attempt an explanation, futile as that is. She talks about the sun of her smile  in her eyes. This speaks to her optimistic nature. Then she goes forward to mention the swing of her waist and the joy in her feet, and now it becomes apparent that there's an inner dance in progress. Her spirits are so high that her body even moves rhythmically. She has a proud smile which exudes optimism. Her dancing spirit celebrates woman. 

The poet now approaches the question of her beauty from the male perspective. This quite plain looking woman owns their very beings and they cannot understand it. She tries to show them that it is nothing specific that draws them but the combination of her entirety as a woman would always be a draw to them. Yet they still cannot see what is as plain as day to her. She uses the imagery of the arch of her back, her glorious smile, the ride of her breasts to explain but it's an exercise in futility.  

The poet then draws their attention to the reason she is what she is, the reason for her great self-confidence. She makes it crystal that she has no need for antics to be noticed. She has no need to shout or jump about to be acknowledged as being present. She gets attention by being honest to her true self. She is complete in her power and in her sense of womanhood. 

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Case of the Ex

Its after midnight and she's on the phone, saying come over cuz she's all alone. i could tell it was your ex by the tone, why is she calling now after so long... Those are the starting lyrics to a song by May titled Case of the ex.
its a quite apt start to what we have to discuss today.

I guess we've all been there before. You know, you're all happy and excited, daydreaming about building a life together with the man or woman you love, you know the gorgeous babies you'd have together, you may even have gotten as far as the schools they would attend... . Then all of a sudden or is it really all of a sudden, because those instinctual red flags may have been waving their red heads all along but no no totally, completely disregarded by your good self, anyway back to the topic, that sweet daydream is gone just like that! Its ended for whatever reason. the tears begin, the self-recrimination ensues, the i told you sos from well-meaning friends and family come. This period may last from a week to months to years even, depending on the level of self-delusion.

Then one day you wake up actually excited to be alive, actually wanting to get out there again and fall in love again, although you tell yourself this time i'll be more careful. You may not meet someone immediately but finally it happens again and joy oh joy again. You're falling in love again. Your family and friends are so happy and excited for you because they no longer have to watch you weep and tell stories about the ex again.

Then just when you're settling down into your happiness finally, it happens. A message comes through a mutual friend, a social media hello, you look good in you WhatsApp display picture. Then the devil himself follows up the low key stalking with an "I miss you'. This is more than some Kyeiwaa witchcraft moment. I mean, how else would you describe the fact that exes reappear just when you're finally becoming happy with someone new? Its witchcraft plain and simple. I mean what the hell? I could go on and on about that uncanny ability like a cat that has smelt some smoked kpanla in the kitchen through a shut door. Or does this go further than witchcraft to occultism? Now I'm even laughing at myself.

Oh in the beginning, you may make the mistake of feeling flattered and telling yourself that now he's realised i was the best and now he really wants me back. Oh yes don't even pretend to lie to yourself. Its quite flattering and exciting. You may even go further to make the mistake and actually meet up with him, hear his sweet nothings and get overexcited all over again. I'm sorry.

When that ex and i broke up after many years together, I was broken. While my friends were saying goodbye to bad rubbish on my behalf, I was busy begging for us to get back together. Promising to change, you know, do whatever it takes, blah blah blah. He had been a part of my life for so very long and he was a friend as well. It hurt too much knowing he would no longer be available to me. But, on his side, he wasn't even thinking about me, much less talk to me or even send me a WhatsApp.

But lets take a minute to thank God for unanswered prayers. Now I've moved on. Fully, i no longer feel bitter or hurt when he crosses my mind. I'm grateful that i have peace of mind where he's concerned. Now let's talk about his hellos to me that have popped up all of a sudden. Because he's trying to mess with me again. Now let's be clear, i may have moved on but I have never claimed to be perfect. I was tempted to respond. Come on, this was a guy i loved so much and I'm not yet married am I? However, this is how exes operate. This is a guy who had me on a plate and said no i don't want that, you know, I've changed my mind about that dish, please return it to the kitchen. You had me right where you wanted and you said i wasn't good enough. For days, weeks, months and a year after he didn't want this dish, then one day he reappears and says I miss you and I'm supposed to be happy and take him back. I cannot deceive myself. He didn't want me then and he doesn't want me now. He just needs to know I'm available for him, that he can have me when he wants me, you know like an ego boost. In a romantic novel, this would be ideal but in real life, nope.

He wants those parts of me that helped him achieve his life goals, you know the things he doesn't want my new love to gain, but of course, without what my new love actually wants, which is me. Thats what exes do, they try to trick you into remembering the good stuff, while making sure you forget the bad stuff that happened by promising change that will never come. If you make the mistake and slip back into that familiar territory, like Snow White you'd fall asleep and one day wake up to realise that ex is gone and that chance of happiness you had with your new love is also gone.

I'm done with someone other than me, sans permission stealing my joy and my peace of mind. My boundaries are set up and no Mr. ex you can't cross that line. You can't ask me to review your contract for you, you can't ask me for academic and career advice. Nowadays there are different search engines to help you with all that. So try bing, try google, even wikipedia. Do you think i care that you have a problem with me because you called all week and i didn't answer? Don't even try me with guilt or reverse psychology. Been there, done it and got the t-shirt.

The ex doesn't stop trying to get through to me, i guess i've become a challenge and we all know how much men love a challenge. It is a struggle to say no to a person i've always said yes, though that has gotten easier. Little by little, i think he's realising that this lady here, is not playing and she's actually serious. my boundaries are well established. The new daydreams about my future with my new love are truly amazing and I'm not ready for that happiness to be stolen.

Exes keep trying, keep waiting for my response to that I miss you text and rest assured its an "awwww that's sweet" response you will get in about a month's time.