Sunday, 27 December 2015

30 Things Every Woman Should Know By The Time She's Thirty.

I read this book recently and i thought it was quite interesting. Let me share with you.
The title is 30 Things Every Woman Should Know By The Time She's 30 by Pamela Redmond Satran. Before i continue with that book, i should mention that she talks about Maya Angelou's list of 30.
And if you know me that's spectacular because i love Maya Angelou so freaking 
much. i think she was so amazing and wise. Kindly note that i am not yet 30. i have three more years to go.

So i adapted this list for black women from essence.com.


1. A song that immediately lifts her spirits or takes her back to a special, stress-free time, no matter where she is

For me that song is I will survive by Gloria Gaynor. You know at first i was afraid i was petrified... The minute i hear that song i feel like i hold the world in my palms and it feels amazing. But the icing on the cake is the fact that i had an ex boyfriend who absolutely hated it because whenever he gave me wahala i would just start humming the tune. Ahmaaaazing.


2. A polite, diplomatic way of putting someone in check and a taste of sister girl attitude when diplomacy just won’t cut it

This is directly an indictment on me as i am not very tactful. So it would be nice to learn a polite and diplomatic way of putting someone in check because i have lots of people to keep in check.

3. A favorite moisturizer, a favorite hair product and a favorite recipe in case she has to cook something impressive (or a favorite bakery or restaurant to pick it up from)

My favourite moisturiser is probably Queen Elizabeth's Cocoa Butter. Its brown, smells so very cocoa and it feels like silk on my skin. My favourite hair product is shea butter and water. It makes my thirsty natural hair feel so beautiful because for exactly two minutes after application my hair feels like i remembered to put vaseline on my skin in the middle of harmattan.

4. A tool set, a car jack and a refusal to be anybody’s damsel in distress

This. If anyone knows me they know i am very independent woman in the mode of Beyonce. You know while learning how to drive my instructor taught me to change a tyre and i changed it all by myself and i felt so awesome. However whenever i go on a date with a guy, i let him pay. I have learnt my lesson so well. Oh well another story for another day.

5. The willingness and resolve to let it go, whatever “it” is

My "it" was really holding me back and made me so unhappy for so long. I would share about it in another post.

6. Spiritual grounding and a prayer and meditation war closet to sneak off to when life hands her chaos

We all have those times when we just need to exhale, you know withdraw from the world and all its evil. When nothing, and i mean nothing seems to be coming together no matter how much work you put into it. This is really personal to me right now because sometimes it is as if you put in all the work and nothing comes out right. You know, a part of your life would be working out so perfectly but there is always another part that does not seem to work out right no matter how hard you work.

7. A signature dance and a motivational saying

Well, i don't have a signature dance since i cannot dance according to any known rhythm so there. Motivational saying for me is probably that whatever situation i find myself in,good or bad, I will probably survive it.

8. A hot pick-up line—you know, in case she ever needs or wants to use it

That probably summarises itself. "Hi" works pretty well though.

9. Dreams and the dogged desire to protect them, even from the people closest to her

Dreams you know. Sometimes dreams are all thats keeping you sane and sometimes sharing them brings too many naysayers. The against people. The haters. They are many papa. They come from all angles. Your family, Your closest friends? Its serious o.

10. A greater appreciation for her mother. Not necessarily a greater understanding, but at least a greater appreciation

Lets be honest, Who completely understands her mother? I don't. But as i'm growing up, I'm appreciating her more and more. Her sacrifices, her shared life experiences are awesome.

11. The ability to small talk in any social circle and a two-step to do at office parties and conservative social events 

In this era of iPhones, samsung, blackberry passports its a gift to be able to hold your own in any small talk event like on a visit to a friend's and their parents are home. You should be able to say to ask hey how are things going with you? and so on. You know?


12. An appreciation for Black men, even if she never wants to date, marry or sleep with one 

Black men get a bad rap and sometimes its true. However its been said that to be able to judge someone you should be able to walk a mile in their shoes. Here in Ghana, a man is expected to provide, to be a father, to be a church star as well as a work star. In short, they are expected to wear many hats and who can juggle so many roles effectively without dropping a ball?

13. An awareness that racism still exists but it’s no excuse for settling

I don't know how racism is a part of the Ghanaian experience. However, there is a little something that i don't know what to call; dunno some ancient differences, in the days of tribal wars, that still exist till today. Its sad that some people have some resentment inside of them which they would not be able to explain.

14. An awareness that there’s no excuse for settling. Period

At this point i know I'm expected to say no one should settle. You know the whole reach for the skies thing? Well i hate to be the one to break it to you but let's be realistic. Life has never been all about sweet smelling roses, hot sunny days, icy drinks and that special someone. Life is sometimes about being real and facing the fact that sometimes settling can be another way to reach your dreams.

15. A body shaper, a good push-up bra and a sense of humor

This is pretty self-explanatory. It doesn't matter if you are a size zero or a 3x. A great body shaper and a push up bra would immediately raise your self esteem. Smoothing out bumps and raising the girls sky high just does something to your vim no? A sense of humour allows you to accept that sometimes smoothing out the bumps doesn't detract from the fact that you are as humongous as a beached whale. But you tell yourself that so freaking what? I would still smile.

16. Empathy for every Black woman's experience, even if her walk hasn't looked remotely similar 

Whenever i read foreign news i hear mention of racism and how the cards are stacked against black people especially black females. All i know with respect to that is my reality. I know about sexual harassment. It has happened to me. It has happened to a lot of females i know, of whom none are white. The man who usually is your boss assumes that because you work for him in a cruel job market, he owns your body and can press you into corners and attempt to squeeze you with or without your permission.

17. Confidence in knowing that having a man and children are part of the African-American dream, but they don’t have to be part of her African-American dream

Thank God for this. My reality is that if you are a black African woman and you have achieved all the laurels possible to achieve in life, whether career wise or academic wise, and you do not have a husband and children, you might as well be zero. I mean it would be nice to have a husband and kids if that's your jam. But what happens when that is not your jam? What if you want to be that spinster aunt who is rich and travels to all sorts of exotic locales and returns with gifts for her nieces and nephews and so on? Is that so bad? Is marriage really all its said to be?

18. A passport, because she should never be caught unprepared should an opportunity to travel arise 

I have never missed an opportunity to travel. From escorting a friend to Benin for her job interview to attending funerals all over the country of Ghana and this has widened my world view.

19. The humility to apologize without prompting, prodding or any lingering aftereffects

It takes a lot to say sorry when you don't feel sorry. Especially when you don't feel sorry. 

20. A financial plan, even if she only has GH20 to her name

I learnt about financial wisdom from my friend-mum Prisca. That woman knows how to save money. She would never buy food, she would only cook. Every pesewa in her hands is saved except for necessaries and gifts for others. Before i met her i would blow through my monthly allowance in the university a week after i got it and be broke and hungry. She taught me to go food shopping with part of my money and cook for the month and still save money. 
A woman should never depend on anyone other than herself.That way she can move out of any place that is not working for her. Whether away from a marriage that isn't working out or a childhood home that has never been home for her. She has to plan for her future. She does this by investing in a money fund or other business. She does this by saving more than half of her earnings. She does this by investing in herself. In terms of further education whether it is a course in computer programming or learning how to sew clothes.

21. One thing that reminds her of being a little girl and invites her to feel playful, even if her childhood wasn’t the greatest

This could be a game or a song or even a memory that reminds her of a happier time when all she worried about seems like child's play in the present time.

22. At least one cause or issue she feels passionate enough to debate (or argue) about

For me that is the economic empowerment of women. I believe that starts with basic access to birth control. There are too many men ready to keep a woman pregnant and barefooted slaving in front of a hot stove.

23. A good pair of black heels, a button-down white shirt and a get ‘em girl dress that makes her look like a brickhouse and feel like BeyoncĂ© 

Girls we run the world

24. A list of things that she wants in a house, a career and a spouse and a list of things she absolutely can’t compromise on

For me i don't want a big house. No not at all because cleaning a big house is hell. Just a house with enough space for me. A career where i can take days off because i feel like it. A spouse i actually like as a person who's hardworking and doesn't want to benefit from my sweat and hard work. Lately there are too many fuck boys around who want to be taken care of by a woman. What i wouldn't compromise on is fairness. Don't cheat anyone on my watch else you would get hit really hard.

25. Peace about being different and respect for what makes her that way

I am different. You are different. Know who you are. If you don't know who you are already, then learn you. You actually have to do this. Know thyself, appreciate thy strengths and thy weaknesses. Please don't compromise on that. That way when the whole world is serving you up nasty surprises, you are not. Its as simple as that.


27. At least three things she can love and dote on herself about that have nothing to do with what she sees in the mirror

With respect to me, i love my sense of humour, my intelligence and my empathy for others. Find what three things you possess that is admirable and guard them fiercely.

28. An understanding that not everyone is going to like her, but that everyone has got to respect her

You know there are some people who have never liked you, would never like you and you need to accept that. What you should never accept is disrespect. You should learn to cut people from your life who would not respect your well-thought out choices. Sometimes this would be so hard to do but when a limb has gangrene, you need to cut it off else it would spread and poison the entire body and death would occur.

29. The personal freedom to make choices without justifying them to her parents, her siblings or anybody else for that matter

This is similar to the above. Nobody would answer to God on your behalf one day so do you but in a responsible manner.

30. A few secrets to hold on to and drop when she gets old

Thats what is called leverage.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Reading between the lines of what a man says.

Wow! Its been 3 long years since i last posted here. I'm rejuvenating this blog and once again its about my thoughts and opinions about whatever. My safe space to rant or not.
Today i think i would do a little piece with respect to relationships.


How to successfully read between the lines of what a man says



1. Do not attach emotions to a man's word. 



This means do not get emotionally carried away with the things men say. Come on lets be real. Men know exactly what buttons to push to get certain actions from women. And as a woman myself i know just how easy it is to get carried away by his speech. Always ask yourself : Does he have an ulterior motive with respect to his statements? Is he trying to get into my pants? Is he after my money? What does he stand to gain if i give in to his wishes? Always be suspicious. However, You don't always have to show that you are indeed suspicious.




2. Always listen to a man's eyes more than his mouth!



In other words use your head and not your heart. We women tend to be so very emotional when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Let's remember that men are less emotional with respect to the female species. They approach each encounter like a financial transaction. Let's wise up. His mouth is saying Oh baby I love you so much and I will do anything for you even if it means waiting to have sex until marriage. My sister watch his eyes because at that instant that he's telling you all this to make you smile and blush and melt into a little puddle of joy for him to splash in as much as he wants, his eyes are on your chest and he is literally undressing you with his eyes. If you look closely you would see real hunger in his eyes and if he gets you with your guard down, he would literally finish you.



3. What names his closest family and  friends call you is a primary pointer to what he really takes u for



Are you taken to be his classmate or his colleague at work or his church sister? Then my sister run. A man who is proud to have you would claim you publicly. No two ways about it. He would not be afraid of you spoiling his market especially in his neighbourhood, his church, work functions and so on. A word of caution however, there are some men who would do all the above and still be casanovas. For such men, kindly see above two points for further help.



4. Always do your best to access his "sure" level in all situations especially when he's advised. 


How often he dances to your tune or other peoples tunes makes you his level of "sure". We all know that saying that if you don't stand for something, you would fall for anything. A man is expected to be the leader, non? At least those of us with African church upbringings would agree with me. We also know that the woman is the neck to a man's head and so we can make him turn anyway we want. Thats all very nice and proper. However if your man listens to everyone then that head of his would look like a ball being juggled. How often does he listen to you? I mean, actually listen. Because men have learnt to appear as if they are listening when in fact they are doing no such thing. If he listens to your sound advice then maybe you've got a keeper there.



5. Also how often a man changes his mind makes you read between  the lines. 



This is linked to the above point. Any man that easily changes his mind or is easily convinced can easily switch affection to other things or persons  and is often unstable at heart. Note my use of the word persons instead of woman because he can decide one day that he's actually gay. Lol. Today banku and okra soup is his absolute favourite meal, tomorrow its beef lasagna that does it for him. Watch that man well well. 



As for me I've always maintained that your career would never get up one day and say i don't love you anymore.



It takes a strong man ALL of his willpower to change his mind NOT other people's willpower!